Hiding Away

I have been experiencing a strong desire to simply hide away from the world.  To pause relationships, take breaks, curl up in a ball, and just be apart from the world.  There are a variety of physical and emotional challenges I’m dealing with.   I feel sadness that so many “friends” and “community” seem to practice an out-of-sight-out-of-mind approach, where I just fade away from any visibility.  Perhaps it’s for the best.   I am no longer willing to invest time in anything or anyone where there is not energy coming back to me.

There is a path in front of me, perhaps a bit overgrown with the brambles of fear and self-loathing. I have tools to cut through this, and while this post may seem melancholy, there is a deep underlying hope of change.  It will just take time.  And stillness.

“Lost” by David Wagoner

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.